


too much

by lafbaeyette



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 07:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18047867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafbaeyette/pseuds/lafbaeyette
Summary: He tried not to be salty about it, Adam was obviously going through something. Even if he couldn’t feel Adam’s emotions, the simple fact that he was going ham on this tub of ice cream and swearing at the screen when McDreamy did something dumb again was enough to tell him something was up.Adam wasn’t going to talk about it, though. He was going to sit there and let the lives of fictional characters distract him from the emotions swirling in his own chest. Those same emotions that were hitting Caleb in waves, moving in and out like the tide.





	too much

**Author's Note:**

> i dont even know how much of this makes sense

The wind outside was audible even over the emotional swell of music coming from a laptop balanced precariously on the edge of Adam’s desk. Adam dug his spoon deeper into the quart of ice cream sitting between him and his boyfriend, eyes glued to the screen across from him. Caleb’s gaze wandered from Ellen Pompeo’s crying form to Adam’s face, enraptured with whatever the latest dramatic plot line was in this arc of Grey’s Anatomy. He had really gotten wrapped up in the show lately, it seemed like he spent any moment of his free time binge-watching these doctors as they boned each other. 

Was there more plot than that? It honestly didn’t seem like it from the few episodes he had watched with Adam, or maybe he was just focused on that because these doctors were getting more action _and_ more of his boyfriend’s attention than he was. 

He tried not to be salty about it, Adam was obviously going through something. Even if he couldn’t feel Adam’s emotions, the simple fact that he was going ham on this tub of ice cream and swearing at the screen when McDreamy did something dumb again was enough to tell him something was up. 

Adam wasn’t going to talk about it, though. He was going to sit there and let the lives of fictional characters distract him from the emotions swirling in his own chest. Those same emotions that were hitting Caleb in waves, moving in and out like the tide. 

“Jesus, straight men are so clueless.” Adam muttered, shaking his head as the credits came up and the countdown to the next episode started. 

Caleb leaned forward, hitting pause before the next episode could begin. 

“Hey!” 

“When’s the last time you left the house?” 

“You literally picked me up for school this morning—”

“Other than school.” 

Adam shrunk back into his pillows, shoving another bite of ice cream into his mouth instead of answering. 

“We’ve spent the last, like, four nights just watching Netflix.” A wave of shame and embarrassment came over Caleb, Adam flushed from the tips of his ears to his cheeks, and Caleb tried to backtrack immediately. “N-not that I don’t - I mean, I love spending time with you, no matter what we do. I-it’s not—”

“I’m sorry.” Adam dropped his spoon into the tub of ice cream and crossed his arms over his chest. The wave of emotions came back, only harder and stronger than before. They were like a wet blanket, something lying thickly on top of Caleb’s chest. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” 

Caleb grabbed the ice cream tub and sat it on the bedside table, moving closer to Adam and trying to push past the intensity of the emotions that were coming from him. It hadn’t been like this since… well, it hadn’t been anywhere close to this since when they first met. That realization alone worried Caleb. 

“You don’t have to,” Caleb started. “But if you want to… I’m here.” 

“I know.” Adam swallowed thickly. They sat in silence for several long minutes, Adam staring at his hands and Caleb watching Adam carefully. “This is.. what I’ve been trying to avoid. I thought that if we just watched TV this wouldn’t come up.” 

“Babe. You can try to hide from your own feelings, but you can’t really hide them from me.” 

“Yeah,” Adam sighed. “It was worth a shot.” 

“Why are you trying?” 

Adam curled into himself, somehow even more than he already had been. “I told you, I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just…” 

Caleb was caught off guard by Adam grabbing the front of his shirt, seamlessly pulling him closer until their lips smashed together. Adam was kissing him hard, but so many things just weren’t matching up in the moment. Even if Caleb couldn’t feel his emotions, the air was heavy with a sadness, a disappointment, an emotion that just couldn’t be placed or named. 

It didn’t let up as Adam pulled Caleb closer, wrapped an arm around Caleb’s neck and the other around his waist. In fact, it got worse. It got heavier, it was overwhelming, Caleb couldn’t feel past it. He pulled back, that sting of disappointment hitting him in the chest. 

“What’s wrong?” Adam frowned, tugging at Caleb’s shirt, trying to pull him back in. 

“That’s what I’m wondering.” 

“I _told_ you, I don’t want to talk about it.” Adam groaned. “I just wanna…” He kissed Caleb’s jaw, slipped a hand under Caleb’s shirt. Caleb grabbed Adam’s wrist, pulled him away and moved back. 

“Look, I don’t want to… to force you to talk about something you don’t want to but—” Caleb let go of Adam entirely. “God! Adam, what is going on?!” 

“Nothing—”

“That’s not true!” Caleb’s head was in his hands now, fear mixed into the overwhelming emotions and he wasn’t sure if it was his or Adam’s. It was all too much, it was everything he could do to just sit there. “There’s—something, something is wrong. What is making you feel this way? Adam, I know you don’t want to talk about it but— ugh, fuck! It’s so — ”

“I’m sorry—” Adam’s apology cut off into a dry sob, which was enough to pull Caleb out of his head. He looked up and his heart ached at the sight in front of him, Adam fully curling in on himself, tears beginning to stream down his face. “You should just go — I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, hey.” Caleb found his way out of the swamp of emotion, because Adam was more important than the swelling pain, fear, and sadness in his chest. Because these were _Adam’s_ feelings, and if they were hurting Caleb, he could only imagine what they were doing to Adam. Or whatever was causing them, whatever that could possibly be, was doing to Adam. He wrapped his arms around Adam, letting the other boy press his face into his chest, his shirt slowly becoming damp with tears. “Adam…” 

“I can’t — I can’t —” Adam hiccuped and Caleb shushed him, stroking his hair. 

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “It’ll be okay.” 

They sat like that for the next fifteen minutes, until the waves crashed and subsided, until Adam calmed down and was finally breathing normally, no longer crying. It was easier to feel through them now, they were still there but they weren’t as overwhelming as they had been. At least for Caleb, he hated the knowledge that they were still probably too heavy for Adam. 

“I swear, this wasn’t part of my plan for the evening.” Adam murmured, not moving from his position in Caleb’s arms. He may not be crying anymore, but he felt safe here, face pressed against Caleb’s chest, listening to Caleb’s steady heartbeat. Caleb’s arms wrapped firmly around him, holding him. It was the safest he ever felt. 

“I didn’t think it was.” Caleb said. “But it’s okay, I like the spontaneity.” 

That made Adam laugh and it was like music to Caleb’s ears, especially following the wet sobs and sounds of Adam crying. 

“I know I shouldn’t just… watch TV instead of dealing with my shit, but…” 

“It’s easier. I get it, and I can’t blame you…” Caleb sighed, rubbing Adam’s arm. “I just… I hate that you feel this way at all. I hate that I can’t really do anything - and I’m sorry that I… lost control earlier. I didn’t mean to yell, it was just—”

“Overwhelming? Trust me, I know.” Adam finally pulled himself away, just enough to grab his phone from the bedside table to check the time. “You probably should go, though… Don’t wanna miss curfew.” 

Caleb made no move to leave. Instead, he just pulled Adam back into his arms. “I think they’d understand if I’m a little late. My boyfriend needs me.” 

“I love you,” Adam whispered, smiling into Caleb’s neck. 

Caleb wasn’t _that_ late that night, his mother started to scold him until he gave her an explanation. And he was right, she just squeezed his shoulder, kissed him on the forehead, and informed him that he was a “very good young man”. 

He laid in bed and let the stress of the night melt away, tried to forget that heavy blanket of a feeling. All he could do was continue to worry about Adam, but he knew they had gotten somewhere with it that night. Even if it was just fifteen minutes of Adam giving into those feelings, it was _something_. 


End file.
